


You're not a girl

by kxro_2



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Creampie, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Dave, Trans Dave Strider, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Verbal Humiliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 15:44:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17428808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kxro_2/pseuds/kxro_2
Summary: “Transgenders will go to hell”“You're just confused”“Stop! You have a cunt, not a cock”It hurt. It really fucking hurt. I saw nothing but disgust in his eyes as he vehemently spat that out like I was some sort of poison. Trying to reason with him didn't help at all since he got physical as I grew more desperate in an attempt to explain. Tears were streaming readily down my cheeks as my breath became uneven. I couldn't handle this- I couldn't. There was no room for air, I felt limp, falling to the floor at he let his grip loosen. The commotion had Bro checking up on us and the last thing I remembered was Bro kicking John out as said best friend completely degraded and humiliated me. He even spat on me at he was shoved out the door.





	You're not a girl

**Author's Note:**

> Um I'll update my other fics later /laughs nervously

Things were not okay. They were as shitty as a gutter, maybe even shittier considering the fact that I quite possibly lost everything I had to live for. Was that an exaggeration? Perhaps, but these were more than a few mishaps occurring that urged to me take my life. What was the use of living when one couldn't ever be happy. When one couldn't make even others happy and make them and oneself miserable.

  
What did I even expect. I should've never told him in the first place when deep inside my heart I knew he wouldn't be all that accepting. He was my best friend, though. He deserved to know ‘Dave Strider’, and it irked me that he kept calling me by my birth name. I thought I could tell him. I thought I could come out to him but that was a big fucking mistake. Then again, did anything ever go to plan? No. Did god love me? No. God hated a transgender like me. God wanted me to suffer didn't he.

  
“Transgenders will go to hell”

“You're just confused”

“Stop! You have a cunt, not a cock”

  
It hurt. It really fucking hurt. I saw nothing but disgust in his eyes as he vehemently spat that out like I was some sort of poison. Trying to reason with him didn't help at all since he got physical as I grew more desperate in an attempt to explain. Tears were streaming readily down my cheeks as my breath became uneven. I couldn't handle this- I couldn't. There was no room for air, I felt limp, falling to the floor as he let his grip loosen. The commotion had Bro checking up on us and the last thing I remembered was Bro kicking John out as said best friend completely degraded and humiliated me. He even spat on me at he was shoved out the door.

  
That hurt me the most. It felt like there was a hole in my heart, painfully stretching open. But even if it did try to stretch open, where would it go? It had no place to stretch because even the corners didn't offer any comfort.

  
Bro was left for work since things were unstable with our economic situation. He couldn’t afford to stay back since every second he worked counted. I couldn’t blame him. But right now, I really needed someone to talk to. He thought I was strong enough to handle this alone but he had overestimated my abilities. I was an emotional train wreck. Rose and Jade were out on vacation and left their phones and any other electronics at home since they didn't want to be distracted on their free time. I was alone..

  
It was cold and I felt so alone being here like this, like I lost a part of my life. John was a big part of it. I'd known him for five years. He'd helped me out more than anybody ever did.  He was like a brother to me. Someone who I thought would always stay with me till the end. He just ended it like that. Just like that, when I thought I could come out to him. When I thought I could trust him. When I thought he would understand. When I thought we'd grow old together. It ended. Part of it was my fault, I think. I didn't explain it clear enough. I didn't start it out slow. It was my fault for getting right to the point.

  
“Oh, so you think you can grow a penis and become a man?!” I could still remember his voice even though the memory was blurry. What he didn't understand was how hard it was being this way. He wasn’t able to and refused to. Which really made me feel like utter and complete shit. I wanted to open my heart out to him.... I really wanted to hurt myself right now.

  
I was a year clean, and was proud of that fact too. John urged me with positive vibes that I didn't need to hurt myself, but right now wasn’t a good time. Things are utter fucking shit. He wasn't here and he wouldn't return. There was no release and it was fucking frustrating. Nobody to talk to- John was usually my go to person when I was feeling conflicted. No distractions except the feeling of the razor against my skin.

  
As I silently shamed myself for being such a fuck up, I heard a creak from the window. Noises like that wouldn’t startle me, since crows fucked around every chance they got but this sounded like a knock. Right when I turned my head to take a look, bam. There he was. Talk about foreshadowing. The piece of shit who used to call me his best friend was right by my window. He probably got a ladder and climbed up, how ever the hell Egderp was able to do that. I’m pretty sure he was afraid of heights. I dropped the razor, covered my my wrists and shuffled towards it.

  
What if he wanted to apologize? Maybe he was sorry for what he said and wanted to make it up to me. Maybe he realized he was wrong and that he hurt me. I was so desperate for that. I opened the window and that was my next mistake.

  
Right when I opened it, he tackled me to the bed so I was pinned underneath him. I was confused. The disgusted expression from before remained on his face. So he was still..?

  
“I talked to dad.” He trailed, glaring into my eyes, “And I was right. You are a disgusting piece of shit. You’re not a man, Dawn, you’re a woman!”  He growled, clutching tightly onto my wrists. Fuck, I hated it when he called me that. My wrists might have bruised, but even if they did, I wouldn’t have noticed because of the amount of confusion going on. Why the hell had he taken his time to climb up my house to tell me this shit? I was on the sixth floor? How did he get up here? Why couldn't he come through the front door like a normal person? What the fuck was he planning? “And I’m going to show you how being a woman feels like.”

  
“GET OFF!” I shouted, trying to struggle away from him. No he did not fucking say that. I kicked and punched him but he stayed in place, calling me a little bitch and other vulgar things. My heart was about to jump out of my ribcage. No. No. No. No, this was not going to happen. “Please, stop!” I wasn’t the one to beg but he basically threatened to rape me and that was not an okay thing.

  
“It’s too late, Dawn. I’m not going to stop even if you cry. You transwhore!” John slapped me and ripped off my favorite shirt, aggressively groping my chest through the binder. I cried out and tried to punch him but he had a tight grip over me.. “I’ve always thought why you had small tits. This is why, huh?”

  
Tears started to prod at the corner of my eyes, I kicked him over and over but he managed to lift the binder off and trap my arms with it. Great fucking job, binder, now I couldn’t punch him. There was an intense feeling of fear when he started to take my sports bra off. Then he started to tug my pyjamas off. I screamed at him, tightly shut my legs but he got his way.

  
“STOP!” I was full out sobbing, flailing my legs when he lifted the bra to cover my face. I tried to shake it off to no avail. His hands made their way to my briefs and tugged them off as well as my pride.

  
“See, Dawn, you have a vagina!” Without any preparation, he jammed his finger in there and started to roughly finger me. It hurt, like a rusty knife jabbing my intestines. I never had anything in there, mostly because I was too insecure to do anything, and his fingers made me feel horrible. I tried to kick him with a shout but he had me in an uncomfortable position. “Great tits too! Look at these c cups!” John took a grab of them and it sounded like he fucking enjoyed himself. Enjoyed himself at my fucking misery!

  
“Stop!” I squawked. It was hard to breathe, it was hard to see, it hurt a lot.

  
“Don’t worry Dawny, I’ll make you feel good.” There was a jingle, belt unbuckling-

  
“NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!” I screamed, flailing harder. He grunted and held onto me even tighter.

  
“I was gonna go slow but since you’re acting up, nevermind. Be ready to be filled up by your first cock, Enjoy it like the bitch you are.”

  
There was spreading fire when he pushed in like that. He stopped to let me adjust at least, and cry louder. I screamed in pain, trying to get him out. It hurt too much, up to the point I couldn’t feel my legs anymore. He laughed and gripped onto my cheeks, squeezing it tightly with no regards to my feelings whatsoever.”Tight like a virgin!” He exclaimed.

  
What a fucking creep. Him forcefully taking me felt like the world ended. It had crashed and was broken.

  
“See? Your pussy loves it since you're such a cockslut! He pushed in harder and fucked me fast. Blood started to pour down due to tearing. It hurt too fucking much. How the hell did he expect me to like this shit? I hated it, I wanted it to end. I didn't want to go through with this.

  
I stared up at the ceiling, waiting for it to end. God hated me, didn't he? I should have never fucking let him in. To think my virginity would be lost like this? Sex was fucking horrible. Nothing felt good about this. How could people like sex? ...Where was Bro? Was he working hard today? He's been trying so hard lately, maybe we can move away after this. Do we have enough money? I hope so.

  
I tried so hard not to think about what was going on, but it was hard especially when John started massaging my clit. I throbbed, but it still hurt. It didn't feel good like John claimed it would. This was far from enjoyment.

  
I squeezed my eyes closed when he finally ejaculated. Wait. No. Fuck- what?  No, no, no. He came inside of me. I could get pregnant for fucks sake. I wasn't even on T yet! “No!” I weakly retorted. He still wouldn't get away from me.

  
“Nng, that felt so good.” He was so satisfied with himself. It was fucking disgusting. He was a horrible person. He pulled out and watched his cum mixed up with my blood dribble out. Did he not realize that he had raped me? He showed absolutely no remorse or any reaction to my tears. Before I knew it, he had snapped several pictures of me naked and used. “If you so dare as to snitch on me with your whore mouth, I'll leak your pictures and tell everybody you came on to me. Nobody will believe that I forced myself on you- after all, we're best friends. I'd do nothing to harm you.”

  
I cried even more, curling into a little ball as my nether continued to throb. I felt gross, sore, used, impure and disgusted. I wanted to kill myself for being so worthless.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.


End file.
